I believe the first way to make major shifts in life is through awareness.
I am aware of the things that need to change. The habits, patterns, limitations, and insecurities that have held me here for so long. The stories I’ve owned as part of who I am, what I’m worth, and what is possible.
You’re probably also aware of your doubts, fears, and cascading untruths. The ones that keep you stuck, half alive. It’s normal. It’s what happens as we grow and hurt and love and fail. It’s both daunting and liberating looking at these deep grooves within us.
In the yogic philosophy these are called Samskaras. They are imprints on our soul. The deepest grooves are often the most painful ones and they remain embedded in us until we are ready to do the work it takes to heal them.
I like to think of this healing as planting new seeds of hope within those grooves and smoothing them over. This is vulnerable and real work. Some people believe Samskaras go back to previous lives. I have my own just from suffering and loss in this lifetime. I often operate from these past impressions without realizing it. I come into present moments feeling gripped and paralyzed by my past, not able to see the truth because I’ve already been hurt, abandoned, lost, scared. Some people live from this place their whole lives without even knowing it. It’s not a way to live, to always wait for the next bad thing to happen, to have your lens tinted by the pain. It isn’t living.
The work of planting new seeds means you believe in the possibility of something better, of discovering there’s growth even with the pain, the brokenness. It’s believing its worth the effort to keep loving, keep working.
This is intention.
The second step. What I’m doing now with you as I write this. Setting the intention to change. Putting it out into the universe. I’ve been conscious of my intentions for awhile now. Observing what fuels me, what inspires me, why I move through the world the way I do. I try to stay honest and authentic and not think of just myself. I try.
I often have good intentions but very little action that falls in line with those good intentions.
Sankalpa is the Sanskrit word for intention. It means the commitment we make to support our highest truth. To honor the deeper meaning of life. We can have wonderful intentions and continue to fall into cycles of suffering by letting our fear guide us. We have to put into action what we want to cultivate and grow.
This is the third step.
For me, it’s the hardest part. I spend lots of time in awareness and intention but am not acting with true integrity. I don’t always follow through. We have to act, to claim, to build what we desire.
So I’ve decided I do not want a resolution this year. I’ve set resolutions year after year. They rarely stick. I get bored or unmotivated and honestly resolutions seem soft, wavering, optional.
I don’t want to be skinner or prettier.
I don’t want to make more money or have more social status.
I don’t want to retrace steps of old mistakes, lessons already learned.
I don’t want to apologize or feel ashamed of my imperfections, my complexity, my deep sensitivity.
I don’t want to question my worth.
I don’t want to drink too much or gossip or shop to make me feel better.
I don’t want to get back at the people who hurt me.
I don’t want to change my past, or the raw grooves that identify my soul.
I needed all of it to get here. To be me. All of the pain, the confusion, the falling apart has helped me become.
I don’t want a resolution.
What do I want?
I want to revolt.
I want right action.
I want something, bold, untamable, alchemising, and solid.
I want to fight for a life that means something.
I want to do things that scare me, test me, exhaust me, excite me, break me wide open.
I want to surrender enough in every moment and in that same moment find grace and strength so that my life can be reborn again and again.
I want every breath as a chance to find my truth, to expand the sides of my heart, to unveil my deeper meaning.
I want to do yoga Every Damn Day.
I want to move my body just the same as eating, drinking, breathing.
I want work that connects me to the divine I need it, crave it.
It changes who I am and how I see the world.
I want to be present in the moment and and not be a prisoner of my past.
I want to be available for the teaching always-even when it hurts.
I want to read more, travel into the unknown, ask questions, hold hands, listen better, talk less.
I want to pray more and believe.
I want to see myself in service to others.
I want to be the best version of myself in every single moment.
I want to plant new seeds and grow in abundance and promise.
I want an incredible, self sustaining purpose with epic proportions.
I want to live every day as if it were my last.
I want a revolution of self.
Now…Are you with me?